One of my most important leadership lessons came from a 19-year-old Hawaiian surfing instructor named Mark. I’d never been on a surfboard before. Mark pushed me into a wave and I rode it all the way to the beach. Elated and a bit stunned by my success, I paddled back out to where Mark was waiting in the water. He gave me a huge grin and said, “Hey, Claire, can I give you some feedback?” I laughed and told Mark I was hoping for feedback since I’d signed up for a surfing lesson.
I thought about his question for days afterward. It occurred to me that Mark hadn’t presumed what my intentions were even though I’d signed up for a lesson. He realized what I didn’t: I could have been interested in learning surfing fundamentals but it was equally possible I was simply hoping for a novel vacation experience.
Mark asked a question that prompted me to reveal who I was and what I wanted. He based his approach for the rest of our session on my answer. What he taught me, and the spirit with which he taught, immeasurably enriched my experience and performance in the water—and back in the office.
It was unexpected and well-timed insight that each of us comes to every situation with our own set of motives and goals, regardless of others’ assumptions and expectations about us. It’s the questions we ask ourselves and others, and the choices we make as a result, that shape our ability to succeed.